In the interim, I hope this will offer some comfort to those who cared for him and are mourning his loss. Steve copied this poem in a letter he wrote to me very early in our 30-year marriage. I recently rediscovered it while going through old documents. I have yet to find any truer words to describe Steve's character and sense of honor.
Tell me not, sweet, I am unkind
That from the nunnery
Of thy breast and quiet mind
To warlike arms I fly.
True, a new mistress now I serve
The first foe in the field
And with a sterner faith embrace
The sword, a horse, a shield.
Yet this inconsistency is such
As thou too shall adore.
I could not love thee, dear, so much
Loved I not honor more.
Richard Lovelace 1618-1658
Off to the English Civil War
At the time, Steve was 1 of less than 100 Nuclear Weapons Custodians in the United States Army. We were stationed in Northern Germany with a British Regiment. NATO was transporting and removing the entire Honest John Nuclear Weapon System from Europe during an exceptionally stressful summer. The teams were under a great deal of pressure and the danger very real. Little did we know at the time that this stressful summer would end up being the norm for a "John Grisham" lifestyle. Steve's primary MOS was 75C, Ordnance, Special Weapons, and he was the last soldier with that designation to be on Active Duty. This in itself is atribute as to how far we have come in the last 30 years. The world is a much safer place.
We have 2 children, a daughter Gretchen and a son Tanner. They are both grown adults and some of the best things we ever did. Steve was an amazing father, despite his frequent and lengthy absences. Our children ever doubted that every choice he made, they were at the top of his decision matrix. In our entire life together, I never heard him raise his voice once. The children were raised with the benefit of Steve's Bachelor's degree in Philosophy, and given the opportunity to learn to think for themselves. There was nothing that made him prouder than long debates, examining all sides of an issue.
Steve was a highly decorated Veteran serving in Operation Desert Storm, Bosnia, Kosovo, African Crisis Relief, Operation Nobel Eagle and as a Contingency Contracting Officer with U.S. Special Forces. His last assignment was with the Office of the Assistant Secretary of the Army for Acquisitions, Logistics, and Technology at the Pentagon. He worked on the Chemical Weapons Elimination team and in the Operations Center. He was present during the Pentagon attack of 9-11 and survived by only 4 minutes. He was in a meeting in the wedge that was struck but left at8:55 to travel accross the freeway to National Command One. The American Airlines jet flew over his head as he walked through the parking lot. All of the other people in the Pentagon meeting died that day. Steve was asked by Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld to act as Casualty Support for the families of those lost. I took a 6-week leave of absence from work, went to D.C., and assisted Steve wherever I was needed. It was the most time we had spent together in the last 12 years of our marriage.
Steve had been deployed to Bosnia in 1997, shortly after we had moved to South Central Virginia from Southern California. We believed he would be assigned at Fort Lee until he retired, so we proceeded to build a house to 80% of completion, just enough to get a Certificate of Occupancy. We were planning on doing most of the details work ourselves, having had lots of practice with the "fixer-upper" we bought in California. Steve left for Bosnia 2 days after we closed the construction loan and was never assigned back to Fort Lee again. Steve had several assignments, to multiple locations in the United States, doing Program Management before ending up at the Pentagon. I remained at Fort Lee during these years so that our children could complete their education. After Steve got his apartment in Arlington, I became an expert at leaving work by 3:30, grabbing my "go bag" and making it to whatever Pentagon function we were required to attend. I would sleep a couple of hours at Steve's before making the drive south, back to work the next morning. Steve came home every weekend he could.. Our cars could drive I-95 almost without our assistance.
When Steve asked me to move to Oklahoma City with him in 1978 while he completed Law School, he told me he could only promise one thing "you will never be bored." He lived up to that promise with exuberance. I barely had time to catch my breath. My life without him seems like all the air has been sucked out and I cannot breathe. At only 19 years old, I entered into the world of secrets and security clearances that is usually written about in novels. At my very first Officer's Wives meeting, I was told "never let them see you cry." It was important that Steve have his mind on his work and not worry about me. He had to be confident in the fact that I had everything under control. I hope he is proud of me, he never saw the trepidation, and I never shed a tear until after he walked out the door.. I only hope that I can continue to live the legacy of honor he has left our family.
Thank you again for your condolences and the opportunity to pass on a few of the amazing things Steve accomplished in his life to those who meant so much to him.
Sincerely,
Kym McConnell